So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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