I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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