my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
