Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
