Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
