I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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