the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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