I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
