why didn't you poke me back
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize