So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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