I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
