I think I won the penis lottery.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
