I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
