There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
