Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
