OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
