I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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