tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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