the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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