So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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