i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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