The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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