Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
