you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
