Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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