there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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