i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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