just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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