remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize