I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize