Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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