im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize