how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize