Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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