I just found puke in my bra..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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