Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
