Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize