please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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