That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
