There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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