I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
