i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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