The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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