I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
