Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
