More tranny stories later!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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