he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We are two peas in an std pod
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
