Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
