I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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