Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
