**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
