Just cropdusted the office
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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