Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
