And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
