I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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