Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
