we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
