I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize