I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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