I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize