She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
