maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
