Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
