Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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