Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
