aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We need to get me chipped asap
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
