I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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