I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
