Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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