I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
