my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize