I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
