No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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