I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
