He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
