When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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