ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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