the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
