we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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