in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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