who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
they need to just BURY HIM!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
