I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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