Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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