I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
