Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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