finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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