we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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