thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
