how can u be prego again
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
