It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
