seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
