i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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