I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
