His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize